What the hell? Football season again?

Well, September slinked up to us like a silent and sneaking little ninja, and before I even realized it, the NFL season is about the start. So I guess I should get to some picks.

The good news, as always, is that my picks are based on roughly no preparation, and reflect knowledge of teams and players that’s five years old at best. Also, blind faith and hatred play in the decisions as well. Without even looking at the schedule, I know my beloved San Francisco 49ers play six games each year against Arizona, Seattle and St. Louis. There’s no reason the 9ers should ever have a division record worse than 4-2. And I have complete faith they’ll finish at least 10-6 overall this season, and they’ll be 5-1 at the bye.

Again, I won’t even try to justify my picks, so here they are.

The Saints are going to rain all over Indy’s parade Thursday night.

I suppose somebody has to win the KC-Houston game, and it might as well be Kansas City.

Ditto for Washington-Miami. It’s in Washington, and when in doubt, go for the home team.

Denver will beat Buffalo, Carolina will beat St. Louis, Pittsburgh will beat Cleveland, Minnesota will beat Atlanta, Jacksonville will beat Tennessee.

New England can be beaten on the road. And I think I remember the Jets really turning things around at the end of last season. So here’s the upset pick of the week. Jets over Pats.

Philadelphia will beat Green Bay, Oakland will beat Detroit.

If Chicago and San Diego are going to contenders again this season, it’s a damn shame this game is happening so early in the season. Not only are the Chargers my pick this week, I also think I’m picking San Diego every week this year.

Tampa Bay could be sneaky good this year. I think most people are overlooking them. It says here they can handle the Seahawks.

I guess the Giants will beat Dallas. Does anyone remember when this game mattered?

Double-header Monday! Let’s go Baltimore over Cincinnati and obviously the 49ers over Arizona. It’s like the schedule-makers are using week one as proof the flexible Monday night schedule is necessary. Sure, division match-ups are nice, but the Jets-Pats and Bears-Bolts games will both be much better than these two. And that Bucs-Seahawks game could be a dandy, too.