Not again

You sonofabitch. Things were just cruising along too smoothly, weren’t they J.P? So here I am, enjoying my little hiatus, and happy to write about something other sports every day. My 49ers, Bulldogs and Canadiens are all enjoying various levels of success, and I’m enjoying a nice night of drinks after work when the gay accountant strikes again!

Why is J.P. Ricciardi actively trying to ruin my life? And if there’s any facet of my life he’s not trying to ruin, could he let me know which ones those are so I can marry some nagging hag and let her handle those bits?

Let’s have a look-see, shall we? Sure, Frank Thomas can mash. This dude can flat-out hit. And I think he scored an ALDS MVP this year for one two-dinger game. The 39 homers last year was nice, and it may have meant a resurgence for the once feared hitter. Or it may have meant an injury-plagued former superstar was playing for an incentive-laden minimum wage contract. So if Frank plays 260 games over the next two years, is up there in AL MVP talk again, and bangs out a couple more 35 homer, 100 RBI seasons, I’ll be the first to eat crow. But it says here it will be a small miracle for this guy to see action in more than 100 games over the next two years, and we probably won’t see anything even close to an MVP performance.

Furthermore, by giving the Big Hurt (really, he’s so old, his nickname involves the word big) $18 million over the next two years, they Jays are kissing Ted Lilly goodbye. Now, I’m no brilliant Sabrmatrician like the gay accountant is, but hasn’t there been a thinking in baseball since the dawn of the game that good pitching beats good hitting? The word is that Lilly is after about $9 million a year, and he’ll probably get it. That’s probably a bargain, since this guy is one of the best second-tier starters around. He’s been the glue in the Jays’ staff every time Roy Halladay (the honeymoon’s not over till the next season-ending injury) has gone down (he may even be the only Jays pitcher to have a full complement of starts in each of the last five years), and it just doesn’t make any sense to let him walk.

Not when the team is in pretty good shape at the dish (top five in the Majors in hits, total bases, OBP, slugging and total average, plus only three teams had fewer strikeouts), and hurting for healthy pitching (though the stats suggest otherwise). The Jays will start the season with a 1-2-3 of Halladay, A.J. Burnett and Gustavo Chacin, all of whom missed time last season.

On the topic of A.J. Burnett, let’s go back to the day the Jays signed him to a $55 million contract. On that day, Burnett had a career mark of 49-50 and had never won more than 12 games in a single season. Plus there was something about a history of arm trouble.

On the day the Jays gave Ted Lilly’s money to Frank Thomas, Lilly had a career mark of 59-58, has won 12 or more games in three of the last four seasons, and is coming off a career-high of 15 wins. Plus no arm trouble and he is said to want a four-year deal at that $9 million previously mentioned.

Nice work again by the gay accountant.

Moreover, it looks as though the Jays are prepared to let catcher Gregg Zaun walk. While Zaun’s loss won’t be felt the way Vernon Wells’ will be in July when the gay accountant trades him for a ball-bag, Zaun is a productive fan favourite, and those are hard to replace.

All in all, we’re only three weeks into the off-season, and the Blue Jays are already making a mess of it. This has got to be what all those New York Rangers fans were feeling back in 2001 when the Rags were overspending on everyone they could, and going nowhere in return. Until next time…

NFL week 9, and lots of footbally goodness

Happy Friday everybody.

First, NFL picks. They go a little like so this week: Atlanta, Baltimore, Dallas, Buffalo, Houston, Kansas City, Chicago, New Orleans, Jacksonville, Minnesota, Cleveland, Denver, Indianapolis, Oakland.

Next up, a tribute to punt and kick-return touchdowns. The inspiration for this was Mewelde Moore’s punt-return touchdown Monday night against New England. Moore’s return cut New England’s lead to 17-7, and not only pulled the Vikes back into the game, but energized the Metrodome and gave his team new life. Well, at least until the end of the commercial break. New England followed-up Moore’s punt-return TD with a 74-kick return by rookie Laurence Maroney. The only thing that stopped Maroney was one of his own blockers. That set the Pats up at Minnesota’s 21-yard line, and three plays later the score was 24-7, and the game was effectively over.

Which brings us to the ode to kick returns, care of some quick YouTube-ing.

Devin Hester from the Arizona game.

I think this is from a high school game, and it’s awesome.

Remember Dante Hall?

I haven’t decided if this clip would be better or worse with a play-by-play call.

Can somebody teach these boys how to celebrate a major?

Good crowd noise on this one.

Go Reggie! Go Reggie! Whoooo!

That last one is priceless. I think that guy loves Reggie Bush more than I do.

Moving along, I’ve got you in my sights Peter Griffin, err, Ted Nonis. Ted, Ted, Ted. Ted. Ted. What the hell were you thinking? You run to a commerce meeting in Vancouver and spout off about basically having a job? You’re a moron. You can complain all you like about the new free agency rules in the NHL, you can complain all you want about the new scheduling format in the NHL, but you still don’t know the first thing about assembling a team. You fell into a very good Vancouver team, made one good trade, and still haven’t shown any inclination toward putting this team over the top. Futhermore, it says here, you won’t even get a chance to be a hypocrite when all is said and done because you’ll be out of a job before Sidney Crosby is an unrestricted free agent. The biggest issue here, is all the general managers and talking head crying about the new free agency system in the NHL. Without it, there isn’t a 2005-06 season, and there may not even be a league anymore. Shut up and live with it. Have a nice weekend everyone.