Friday. You know what that means, it’s time for some uneducated football picks.

Before I get to the picks, I have a couple items I need to address.

Item, the first: Mark R. Downs Jr. is a piece of garbage. This useless piece of crap paid an eight-year-old t-ball player $25 to bean an autistic teammate to prevent the autistic child from playing in a playoff game.

I don’t even know where to start with this, so I won’t. You know the details, you can make your own conclusions. There’s nothing I can say you’re not thinking.

Item, the second: Wednesday afternoon, the Montreal Canadiens were going to hold a press conference to announce their plans to retire Serge Savard and Ken Dryden’s jersey numbers this season. That announcement was cancelled because of a shooting at Dawson College in downtown Montreal, located near the Forum. Two students were killed, including the gunman. I’d like to express my condolences to the families of the deceased, and best wishes to the 19 other people injured.

These kinds of things, tragedy and out-and-out stupidity, are reminders that we’re fortunate to have such a wonderful daily distraction like professional sports. Whether it be rookie pitchers throwing no-hitters, and warming our souls and reminding us just how great sport is, or idiot kickers acting up again, we need to enjoy what we have.

On to the football. As always, my pick is bolded.

Buffalo @ Miami

I liked the Bills in the upset last week, and they blew it, losing by a safety. The Bills practice facility was probably not a fun place to be this week, so I’m taking them again on the road in hopes they’ve learned a thing or two about playing all four quarters.

Carolina @ Minnesota

I can’t even believe the Vikings won last weeks. What’s worse, I can’t believe they’re going to win this week, in a short week to boot.

Cleveland @ Cincinnati

Huge win for Cincy last week at Kansas City. They’ve got my vote pretty much from here on in. At home, following a big win to start the year, there is no reason to think they can’t go to 2-0.

Detroit @ Chicago

I may not pick Detroit at all this season. I don’t believe they’ll go 0-16, but I’m sure as hell not going to put any faith in them.

Houston @ Indianapolis

Indy needed some help to win last Sunday night, but Houston didn’t need any help rolling over for Philly.

New Orleans @ Green Bay

The Packers should get some points this week, but still not enough to win. This may be, in the Brett Favre era, the only time anyone has ever picked Green Bay to lose two home games in a row.

New York Giants @ Philadelphia

Spoiler alert? Are we watching this game again in late January, with a lot more on the line? We very well could be. This one’s a saw-off. This early in the year, I’m going with the Eagles, only because they’re at home.

Oakland @ Baltimore

Somebody underestimated the Ravens last week. They responded by pasting the Bucs, and handing down the biggest beat down of the weekend. Oakland, meanwhile, were awful at home against San Diego, which pretty much makes this one a no-brainer.

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta

Remember when the Bucs were the only team that could contain Mike Vick? I think Bruce Springsteen had a song about the good ol’ days.

Arizona @ Seattle

Hawks fans, repeat after me: “I trust Hasselback to throw a touchdown.” Nine points will get you past Detroit, and it used to get you past Arizona, but Seattle had better bring some offense this week. If the Seahawks don’t score a touchdown, I’ll never pick them again.

St. Louis @ San Francisco

I remember a time, even when the 49ers starting slipping, that the Rams were two guaranteed wins on the Niners’ schedule every year. I miss those days. And, my official theory of how things changed in this “rivalry” is to attribute the change directly to the teams’ uniform changes. The Niners added that stupid gold and black trim to their jerseys (which jazzed up a boring home jersey, but completely ruined a beautiful away jersey-- see the Giants current away shirts), and they’ve been in the tank since. The Rams went ahead and switched from royal and yellow to navy and maize, and things just haven’t been the same since.

Kansas City @ Denver

I hate Denver, and hope they never win another game, but the Chiefs looked awful last week. I will say that this win for Denver will have absolutely nothing to do with Jake Plummer’s “proficiency.”

New England @ New York Jets

Who knew the Jets could win a game? Let’s see them win two.

Tennessee @ San Diego

Tennessee battled back nicely against the Jets. But the Chargers are not the Jets. Also, I’m pretty much driving the Chargers’ bandwagon this year.

Washington @ Dallas

Washington has fallen out of my favour. So they’ll probably screw me and win this game, but I just don’t see Dallas losing.

Pittsburgh @ Jacksonville

Holy crap, I’m going off the board finally. Go Jags.

Well, I picked too many favourites to have a very good week (14), but we’ll see how it goes. Last week: 9-7, and, amazingly, overall: 9-7. Have a great weekend, we’ll see you Monday morning.